Struggles

Here I am in my room - checking bank status and e-mails before I head for the sunny sands of Cebu. My clothes are laid out on my bed ready for packing.

Just got home from'Flight 852" - it was cool - we're doing Quest and we had quite a turnout today despite it being the first day of the Rugby 7s. I love the fact that students from my school are coming - some on a regular basis. I don't know where they're all at, but I'm glad they feel comfortable to come (it must be a bit weird having your Science teacher there) and they enjoy it.

I rang my mum and dad so they won't miss talking to me on Sunday.

I've been having quite a struggle personally this year - and I think it has been hard to face. I'm teaching, being a half of a student life leader, going through my formal assessment year at work, coaching hockey, playing hockey, service managing and youth leading at flight852. I know that one of the defence mechanisms I've had is to not care as much about stuff, otherwise I would be so stressed out, I would break down. However, it's got to the point where I could give everything up and not care. That's a worry for me, as I know that's not who I am. I like to do things because I really want to and I know if I don't really want to do it what's the point...there is none. However, God has repeatedly been telling me not to give up. It's hard because i just don't really understand what the bigger picture looks like and He does.

I'm so glad I went to the flight 852 leaders meeting on Tuesday. We shared what God's been talking to us about and it was hard, but I was honest and said what i felt. It was really cool as later we started praying for the youth and then Meg had a word for me about me being a gateway for youth at HKIS. Then she felt I should be prayed for. It was really cool - specific words were spoken over me that encouraged me so much - about God reflecting his light off me and not to worry about burnout and how God really is using me in the school. I often feel so ineffective at school - I'm just teaching Science, interacting with students, trying to be patient with students and sometimes failing, trying to give when I'm tired, downtrodden and want to give up. However, God has been so faithful this year. I've been sticking posters on walls, telling students about flight and they've come. Not just one or two, but probably about 15 have come. Only a few a regular attendees, but some want to be but have other commitments ...but it's so encouraging. Did I mention that they're also some of the nicest kids ever? I hope God really speaks to them and they continue to search for or develop their relationship with Him.